


No Oath, No Spell

by propinquitous



Series: Map of the Falling Sky [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Demon!Dean, Ficlet, M/M, Post-Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe In Miracles?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 23:32:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1666511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/propinquitous/pseuds/propinquitous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean struggles in the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Oath, No Spell

_There is no oath, there is no spell_  
 _To deliver us, to make us well._  
  


 

Cas can see him.

There’s something else there, of course.  Something burned and scabbed that covers his face, the hollows where his eyes once were.  He is covered in open wounds, his bones are broken and his lungs and heart are black with smoke.  He reeks of sulfur and his skin sizzles under holy water.  It makes him horrifying by most standards.

But he can see him.  _Dean_.  Underneath that cracked shell, he is still the brightest, the best man he has ever known.  There is something green and light underneath it all.  There is a boy who carried his brother out of a burning house, who comforted his lonely mother, who picked up all the pieces that never should have fallen.

Cas wonders what Dean sees when he looks at him.  He doesn’t have the grace that used to make him shimmer as he moved, the wings whose every motion he had to negotiate on this plane.  But underneath he is still an angel.  Underneath he is still brimming with nebulae and indescribable things.

The truth is that Dean can see it all.  He sees the seething, the galaxies in motion underneath Cas’ skin, how he still walks with a stoop, weighed down by phantom wings.  The shadow that follows Cas is one thousand feet tall and moves all on its own.  It makes him angry beyond reason and he can’t name why, can’t quite articulate it except that he _can_ , knows that the celestial intent isn’t really there anymore and yet he sees it, simple as daylight, in Cas, the purity to his corruption.

“I can’t,” Dean finally gets out, and Cas can smell the brimstone on his breath.  Dean is seated on a high stool with his head bowed and his hands hanging limply between his knees.  Cas reaches forward to touch Dean’s face, to cradle the broken parts.

“Yes, you can.”  Cas’ voice is quiet.  Out of habit he focuses energy toward his fingertips.  Nothing happens.

“Cas, I can’t,” he repeats.  This time Cas doesn’t respond with words.  He lifts his hands so that Dean is forced to look at him.

“This doesn’t change anything.”  There are tears brimming in his eyes now, gone black with uncontrolled emotion.  A split second passes where Cas is taken aback, shocked into silence by the awful juxtaposition.  He pushes past it and searches for the green in Dean’s eyes.

“You’re right, it doesn’t,” Dean says, acid on his tongue.  He feels a sudden rage underneath his skin and the Mark burns on his arm, compelling him to push Cas back.  Because he _is_ right.  Nothing is different.  He is still a broken, busted up thing.  Nothing is different now except that his damage is fully realized and he has become what always lurked underneath his ribs, the thing he didn’t really leave behind in the pit because he couldn’t, not when it was always a part of him.

But without the blade he barely has the energy to lift his hand.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Like hell it wasn’t.”  


“Dean.” There’s a hint of old divinity in Cas’ voice.  His hands are still on Dean’s face and he leans in.  His lips burn and sting when he cranes his neck and lays a kiss to Dean’s forehead.  “We will fix this.”

After that they are both silent for a minute.  Cas thinks it is a long period of time, but he no longer senses seconds relative to millennia.

“What if we can’t?”  Dean wipes a tear off his cheek, resolute.  “What if this is me, what if this is what I always was?”  Cas pulls back and stares at him.  “What if I don’t want to fix it?”  
  
Cas says his name for the hundredth time and frowns, letting his hands drop to his sides.

“What if it feels good?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still reeling from the finale, even though we all knew it was coming.
> 
> (initially inspired by [this](http://kikistiel.tumblr.com/post/86368052784/cas-seeing-deans-true-face-as-a-demon-now) post, but then it got unnecessarily sad)


End file.
